Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Marine - Teaser Review


THE MARINE




By: Tanner Phillips

As I was on quicktime.com one day browsing through the trailers of upcoming movies, I came by a trailer for the fairly un-heard of movie called "The Marine." I watched the trailer and thought to myself, that looks like an entertaining movie! That was the last time I ever saw anything about the movie until it came out and I went to see it.

I tell you something. Right as the opening credits began to roll, I knew this was going to be a stinker. The first dead give away was the fact it was produced by WWE Productions. Yeah, that's right, the World Wrestling idiots. Then, the first scene commenced, and I was already wishing I had chosen something else, a chick flick, a drama, whatever, I just didn't want to be here for this wreaking pile of steroidal fecal matter! But, in order for me to write a review on a crap box of a movie, I decided I would tough it out for all of your sakes.

I must say that I have never seen such a horendous display of acting in my entire life of watching movies. I felt like I was watching a backyard birthday party skit with a muscle head husband trying to save his porn star wife from the token psychotic nemesis without a conscience. However, I feel strongly that a group of party going hyperactive kids could have come up with a stronger storyline and more convincing acting than this group of morons!

One of the most irritating parts of this fecal spatter was the nauseating music score! OMG folks! I am not kidding when I say I wouldn't be surprised if the WWE wrestlers themselves were responsible for the music. It was the most unfitting, unsettling, unforgivable act of music I have ever seen in a movie. I would rather listen to a $h!tty high school marching band than this crap! It's like they used all their money up on steroids, pyrotechnics, & boob jobs; so they just didn't have any money left for the music.

I kid you not. I left this movie with one of the worst migraines I have had in a long time! I wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone who doesn't enjoy the taste of bile in your mouth. This is definitely in the top 10 worst movies I have ever seen. If you ever see this movie, can you please ask for my brain cells back? Oh yeah, and ask that dirty tramp at the movie theatre for my money and 2 hours back too!!

No comments: